Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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