Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
