my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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