It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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