hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
