I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
