My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
