Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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