at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Randomize
