did you get engaged???
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
