Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
