i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
