Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
