Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
