I looked at my own cervix.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
