This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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