What a fucking waste of an outfit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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