Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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