i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
