i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
