The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even my vagina gasped.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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