Girls should come with a carfax report
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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