Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
