He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
