god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
