Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
