I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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