If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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