I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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