I just threw up on my dentist
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
