if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
