I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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