Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
