We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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