yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
