I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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