The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
