i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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