Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
