At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
