I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
