he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
