If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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