I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
