and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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