Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry about my life...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
