bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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