but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
