I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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