I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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