True but thats because hes a fetus.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
