I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
