Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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