That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
