a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
