from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
